You Know You Got It Bad

when you spend $335 that coulda bought a PLANE TICKET to the happiest place on earth (Minnesota, y'all. F Disney World) on NFL Sunday Ticket.

Cause you just gotta see your boys make the plays.

It's clear. I'm a Vikings fan, now.

FOR LIFE.

My Vacation Was So Epic, it has its own PLAYLIST.

1. Murder Reigns- Ja Rule

“I feel the rain comin’ down on me… when the sun gon’ shine… My Lord, somebody help us all”

Dang right. Whoever invented 4:30am should be drug out into the street and shot. A 7:15 flight doesn’t sound so bad WHEN YOU ONLY LIVE 20 MINUTES FROM THE AIRPORT. Factor in an hour and a half drive and shit just got real, y’all. That was my bad. And I’ll be on the EVENING direct flight outta Jacksonville from now on.

2. But I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Lookin’ For- U2

“I have climbed the highest mountains, I have run through the fields, only to be with you… but I still haven’t found what I’m lookin’ for”

Mama needed some Starbucks. Mercifully, I didn’t have to look far because the geniuses at JIA strategically placed a Starbucks DIRECTLY in front of the security exit. They then strategically placed Starbucks next to Terminal A. And 50ft down Terminal A, they strategically placed Gate A5- my gateway to Narnia, I mean, Minneapolis.

3. With You- Chris Brown

“… you mean to me, what I mean to you, and together there’s nothin’ we won’t do…”

That’s me and Kelly. Period. The second I jumped into that girl’s vehicle I LITERALLY felt a shift and all was right in the world again.

4. I’m So Hood- DJ Khaled

“I’m out the hood, and if you feel me put your hands up…”

Little did I know that going knockoff purse huntin’ in the Minneapolis ghetto was on my bucket list. It was and it is now crossed off. Me and Dolce & Gabbana have bonded. Fake or not, my purse is hot.

5. Fancy- Drake

“Spendin’ hours in the salon on your hairstyles… in the mall steady rackin’ up the airmiles.”

Three words: MALL OF AMERICA. That is all. That is enough.

6. Raise Your Glass- P!nk

“So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, All my underdogs, we will never be, never be, anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks.”

Go Twins! Target Field was awesome, and even though the underdog Twins lost to those fancy-schmancy Red Sox, we raised our glasses to em!

7. Lazy Song- Bruno Mars

“Today I don’t feel like doin’ anything. I just wanna lay in my bed…”

I didn’t dub Kelly’s basement bedroom “The Cave” for nothin! I literally spent an entire day in that sucker. Watched me some Regis and Kelly, watched me some Ellen… Millionaire Matchmaker, Basketball Wives. Frickin’ awesome.

8. The Edge of Glory- Lady GaGa

“I need a man that thinks it’s right when it’s so wrong… right on the limits where we know we both belong… I wanna run right to, to the edge with you, where we can both fall over in love.”

For those of you that know me. You know what I’m referring to. And I’m referring to it TWICE. Thank you and good night.

9. Like a G6- Far East Movement

“Now I’m feelin’ so fly like a G6”

10. Put It Down- T-Pain

“Drinkin’ and sippin’ on that Patrone, we done been got it on, boo”

11. Club Can’t Handle Me- Flo Rida

“You know I know how, to make em watch and stare as I zone out. The club can’t even handle me right now. Watchin’ you, watchin’ me, I go all out. The club can’t even handle me right now.”

Now those three songs pretty much sum up our night with the Vikings- and I don’t mean those pale faced folk from Scandanavia. I mean the Mother F-ing MINNESOTA VIKINGS. Training camp is in Mankato at Minnesota State- which is exactly 26 miles from New Ulm. We happened to go out Thursday night. Which happened to be the last night of training camp. And whaddya know? The boys were unwinding at a lil bar called "Boomtown."

Donovan McNabb grabbed my love handle, y’all. I had words with Adrian Peterson, gave Christian Ponder a hug for luck, did a shot of Patrone with Jamarca Sanford and like to fell head over heels for rookie running back #48 Matt Asiata. Which leads me to…

12. If We Ever Meet Again- Timbaland ft. Katy Perry

“Do you come here much, I swear I’ve seen your face before. Hope you don’t see me blush, but I can’t help but want you more… Baby tell me what’s your story, I ain’t shy, don’t you worry, I’m flirting with my eyes, wanna leave with you tonight... I’ll never be the same, if we ever meet again, won’t let you get away, if we ever meet again. This free fall’s got me so, kiss me all night don’t ever let me go. I’ll never be the same, if we ever meet again.”

I. HEART. MATT. ASIATA. Just… Google him. He is the cutie-est, patooty-ist thing to ever come out of Utah as far as I’m concerned.

And yes, he’s a Mormon. The fact that I told him I was one too pretty much made his night. Some blonde bimbo came to hit on him, he grabbed my hand and didn’t turn loose till the coaches rounded erry-body up for curfew. *sigh* If we ever meet again INDEED.

Sidebar: Saturday we watched our boys play the Tennessee Titans. It’s a whole new experience once you KNOW them. Like personal ‘n shit. It was like cheering for family. Go Vikings!

13. Down on the Farm- Tim McGraw

“Well you can come as you are, there ain’t no dress code…”

The Brown County Fair was in town and out came the country girl. I loved on me some goats, and sheep, bunnies and piggies, cows and even a llama and a camel.

14. Don’t Wanna Go Home- Jason DeRulo

“Ayo, me say, day, oh, daylight come and we don’t wanna go home…”

All good things must come to an end, so Sunday I flew back to the dirty south. *cry*

Even now, as I write all of this out, it seems like 99% of this stuff was a DREAM. I cheered on the Twins, partied like a G6 with the Vikings, got fancy, the club couldn’t handle me… kept myself “grounded” with the help from a certain someone so I could come home and keep on livin’ life. It’s hard to imagine that we could ever top those 9 days.

To that I say, roll on Christmas week. Cause I already know the first song on THAT playlist:

1. 2012 (It Ain’t the End of the World)- Jay Sean

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

Finally! It's almost time! 2 more days of work and then I am OUTTA HE-AH! I shipped all 24 lbs of clothes and shoes up yesterday. My packin' skillz iz gettin' better the more I go up there. I can't wait to see my Kelly, go to the Twins game and just RELAX.

Highs in the mid-70s will rock, too.

And I can't lie... I'm intrigued to see what happens with Twatwaffle. According to my trusty Magic 8 Ball, things could get... interesting. (You should know that Magic 8 Ball has, like, a 90% accuracy rating. That's better than Delta's percentage of flights showing up up on time, y'all.)

Don't know if I'll post again before I go, but if you're friends with me on FB, you'll be able to see what I'm up to till I get back. (As one of my bosses/FB friends put it "It's like watching Gulliver's Travels or something!")

Anyways, play nice. And if you can't be good, be good at it.

*MWAH*