Hilary Duff has knee fat. And that makes me happy

(shout out to my girl Angelina for inspiring me with that title, btw)

I think we've all heard about the 7 Deadly Sins. In case you haven't, here's a recap (in no particular order since I figure the Big Guy ranks em all pretty even on the "deadly" scale):

1. Envy

2. Greed

3. Pride

4. Lust

5. Wrath

6. Gluttony

7. Sloth

Sadly, I did that all from memory. Clearly I think about these a lot. Mostly I think about "Which of these am I MOST guilty of...?" Then I wonder "At what point does an idle 'Dang, I wish I had Paris Hilton's fortune!' trigger the "ENVY ALERT" button in Heaven and I'm sentenced to burn for all eternity?" I mean, do you have to like dwell on the sin for AWHILE, do you have to let it consume you? Is just the mere thought enough to sentence you to eternal damnation? (For a more in depth discussion of the 7 Deadly Sins, I direct you to you the source of all sources: Wikipedia.

And WTF does all of this have to do with Hilary Duff's knee fat?!? I'm getting there, I promise.

After much thought and deliberation, it's devastatingly obvious to me that I'm guilty of ALL of these. (Especially since they all kinda stem from each other, if you think about it)

1. Envy- See Paris Hilton thought, above

2. Greed- When you grew up wanting your own money bin like Scrooge McDuck and your #1 rule is "Don't F with my money!" It's safe to say you're a greedy bitch.

3. Pride- I flip my s*** when my size 4s get tight. That's pretty dang prideful, y'all.

4. Lust- Two Words: Minnesota Farmboy

5. Wrath- I consistently plot revenge. Usually on the object of #4. Truly, I'm a walking contradiction

6. Gluttony- Thanksgiving Dinner in the South, anyone? HELLO.

7. Sloth- Laziness. My favorite thing to do. Period.

So. After much MORE thought and deliberation, I decided that my #1 Deadly Sin is *drumroll please*

PRIDE

Yep. Pride. AKA Vanity in my book. I am forever worried about what size I am, how dark my tan is, how fat my ass looks in those jeans, why the hell won't my fat ass fit into those jeans, I swear to God they fit last week, this is BS! And, well, you get the picture. One of my (many) bad habits that feeds this Pride/Vanity thing is looking at the celebrities. I mean COME. ON. When you see Miranda Kerr and her "12-week post baby" bod, you just gotta wonder, WHERE IS THE FREAKING JUSTICE?!? I mean, I couldn't look like that on my BEST day.

*beats head against the wall*

Yeah, I KNOW she's a freaking supermodel so her paycheck depends on her body bouncing back ASAP after a kid. I KNOW it's her JOB to be in the gym 8 days a week and eat specially prepared meals when she's not on the runway. I know she has a prep team and body makeup.

And Photoshop.

I KNOW.

I also know if I would maybe put a LIIIITTTLE more effort into working out instead of utilizing Sin #7, I might not be as bad off, but I digress.

Seeing those pictures just makes me feel less than... pretty. All I see when I look in the mirror is a set of thighs that Col. Sanders would roll over in his grave for and an ass that's got too much back even for Sir Mix A Lot. So when I come across pictures of the few celebrities out there that have REAL bodies, I become their #1 fan. For realz, Penelope Cruz is my homegirl.

And then I came across THIS. Hilary Duff. My new hero. She looks great, right? But them ain't no chicken legs, y'all. Them is REAL. AMERICAN. LEGS.

And there's even a little bit of knee fat.

They're kinda pasty white too. Which isn't a bad thing. Just means she won't be gettin cancer cut out her skin at 45 like I prolly will be. (See? That damn vanity's gonna end up bein LITERALLY deadly!)

Hilary (and Penelope)- THANK YOU for being normal. I'm sure you probably weigh less than me, and I'm sure you're much more toned than me. But this picture here proves that you AREN'T bionic like Miranda and Gisele. You're a girl. With knee fat. And prolly even a lil cellulite.

And for that I thank you.