Insert Evil Laugh *HERE*

Y'all know I heart Minnesota like white bread. Not only does my BFF live there, but in the winter there's SNOW. Snow makes me happy.

Because it's AWESOME. And cold.

This time of year (when I'm sweatin ball sacks) I frequently pull up pictures of me buried up to my eyeballs in snow to remind me that in a few months I can go back and do it all over again. Sometimes, though, that has an adverse effect and it makes me sad. Cause, well, not only do I miss my Kelly, but it's frickin HOT now.

And there's no snow. No snow makes me sad.

Then I see this:

Temperature

92.1 °F

Feels Like 116 °F

Y'all, that is the current temperature and heat index in New Ulm, Minnesota as of 3pm Eastern Time today.

This is the current temperature and heat index in Tallahassee, Florida as of 3pm Eastern Time:

Temperature

88.3 °F

Feels Like 94 °F

I couldn't help but laugh. HARD. Cause they got "Excessive Heat Warnings" and all out.

BOO. FRICKIN'. HOO.

Welcome to my Fresh Hell! What you're feelin' right now? It's like that 10 outta 12 months a year here. (That's 83% of the year for all you math majors out there) That's right. 83% of my year is spent in absolute HELL.

Suck it, Yankees! And come this winter, when the windchill is -40 and there's 6ft of snow on the ground, don't bitch about how AWFUL the snow and cold is.

You just remember how HOOOOT and MIIIIISERABLE it is right now (and will be for the rest of the week)

And how SOME OF US have to fly halfway across the country for relief.

*MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*

UPDATE (4:12 pm Eastern)

Temperature

94.5 °F

Feels Like 121 °F

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA