I think I'm pissed. I'm pissed and I don't know what to do about it.
Living down here in this swamp our nation decided to call "Florida" (a name they kifed from the Spanish, I might add) I always wondered if maybe I was a little "swole up" during the summer months. And by summer months I mean the better part of the calendar year; from April-November. My jeans ALWAYS fit better in the winter and I don't feel nearly as gunky as I do the rest of the year. Sure we have sand and sun and Mickey Mouse, but we also have endless heat and humidity. It's just... nasty. Surely when your body is in that WET an environment it's gonna swell up. Right? (Right.)
So that's how my vain behind has been gettin' through this endless hell of summer- with the promise that with winter will come my ability to rock ALL of my size 4s. But, as the summer drags on (and the 4s get a little snug, which means I'm dippin' into the 6's I had stashed away) I get more and more distressed. Then in walks "Logical Mandy" who tries to talk sense into "Vain, Paris Hilton, Mandy" (<--- we'll just call her VPH Mandy)
Logical Mandy: Ho, please. You are barely a size 6 and you're UPSET? Really?
VPH Mandy: Yes! I mean, look at Kim Kardashian! Not fair!
Logical Mandy: Kim Kardashian has a trainer, a chef, an army of hair and makeup artists and, let's face it, no one really knows what size she is. Oh and nevermind the fact she hasn't had a KID. Besides? Why does size matter?
VPH Mandy: It just does. There's something so satisfying about being a size 4. Cause when you're a size 4 then it's just a few more pounds to a size 2...
Logical Mandy: Yeah and then you die of anorexia, or bullemia, or go full retard. And you should NEVER go full retard.
VPH Mandy: *pout*
Folks, Logical Mandy may not win the war on VPH Mandy's sick obsession with vanity, but she has won the battle because, for now, VPH Mandy is MAD. Downright PISSED. Because WTH, America? There was a time when a size 6 was considered THIN. Size 6's were on the gotdang RUNWAYS. (Until that witch Twiggy came along and ruined us. Forever.) Even now, a size 10-14 is where the "normal" average American chick measures in. And here *I* am, 31 years old, with a kid, and bemoaning the fact that SOME of my size 4s don't fit me in the dead of hell. I mean summer.
*beats head on desk*
But I keep a'lookin at those celebrities. I see Kate Middleton and think "Ohhh... she's so tiny. How awesome would that be?" or I see Nicole Ritchie and think "Wow. She always looks so great... I wanna look like that."
(Did I mention that most of these people also probably have stylists? Not Kate. Kate rocks it on her own. But the celebs. They got stylists to pick out what looks best and hides any flaws they have.)
So today, I have vowed to eat and eat happily. This morning they had a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and I donated $5 to the cause and got me some pancakes and bacon. Yum-diddly um. At lunch, I didn't want anything heavy, so I went for my old standby- California Rolls (with no avocado cause. Ew.) and edamame which, as we all know, is just steamed soybeans. In 40 minutes we're having healthy snack day in the kitchen. That means yummy yogurt, granola and fruit. And it's free. Overall, I've eaten happily and mostly healthy. (Cause pancakes and bacon is NOT the norm- not the EVER- for my breakfast) Oh! It's my friend Jen's birthday today, too. She works here and her bosses brought in cupcakes to celebrate. And I got one. It's cookies and creme. It rocks.
It's not much, but it's a start. Today I am eating and enjoying it.
Suck it, VPH Mandy!
PS: For those of you who don't give a golly gosh darn what size you are, I applaud you. I know I tend to go overboard at times (most times), but I will always be mindful of my weight and size (mostly my size). What I'd really love, though, is to be happy whether I'm a 4 or a 6. Because neither one of those sizes is unhealthy. (<--- Thanks, Logical Mandy!)
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